Captain Crab's Very Important Reminder

aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr!

Remember, tomorrow is "Talk Like a Pirate Day'!

Here's a little quiz to keep you up to speed, Mateys.

I'm Alive

Don't worry, I am not dead, although at times I feel like I am.

The Dread Pirate Roberts and I have been in serious negotiations over a new ship.

Sturgis Bikers

It's summer and the motorcycle world has it's eyes on South Dakota, the town of Sturgis in particular. For this reason I am reposting a picture I took last year. Why would you do that, you ask? Two reasons:

1. Looking at the snow will help you feel a bit better about the warm weather we have been having.

2. Maybe seeing this biker, who didn't make it to Sturgis, will make ride a little safer on your trip to Sturgis.

Captain Crab's Important Announcement

Go Home!

Captain Crab's Very Important Announcement

I have thinking of growing up and acting my age..........


It isn't going to happen!

Captain Crab's Important Announcement

This is written for fun. At my age I don't really like a lot of controversy. That is the reason I deleted a previous post that linked to a story on CNN.

Any questions?

Captain Crab's Seafood

The Dread Pirate Roberts called tonight from somewhere off the coast of Martinique. She and the crew are extremely upset about the bad rap that pirating is getting due to those dudes over in Somalia.

They are so upset that actually want to quit being pirates and open a sea going seafood restaurant aboard the ship!

One of the 1st Mate's ideas is to fish and actually have a true "catch of the day"! Bizarre? Yes indeed.

But not like all of those other seafood places like Red Lobster, Joe's Something Shack, and the poorly named Captain Crab's, who claim to have a catch of the day, but it's whatever they thawed out the night before.

There are several upsides to this idea:

1. Low overhead, we already have a ship with a galley
2. Unruly customers are merely tossed overboard
3. Health inspections; sail out of port quickly
4. The ship's crew will actually have to work

No decision has been made about going forth with this plan, but The Dread Pirate Roberts has spotted some folks she's going to invite for lunch, kind of as an experiment. (They may have money too!)

If she can keep the cook from pouring rum into everything, it just might work.

Stay tuned!

How to Receive a Refund

For any refunds, you must contact one of those Nigerians whose dead uncle had a lot of money that is tied up in court that he will give you if you send him a few thousand dollars.

After you have made contact with said individual and sent him a few thousand dollars, please contact and send me a few thousand dollars.

Then you will be placed on a waiting list of people seeking refunds because they have spent their good time reading the nonsense that is written at this blog. I don't blame them.

Eventually you will receive a refund. Right now for new refund applicants the date will be about 2029, if I am still alive.

To speed up the refund process, please send a several hundred thousand dollars.

Then you will get back your $2.59.

List of Safe Peanut Products

Unfortunately, Peanut Corporation of America has made every Mother and a whole lot of other people afraid to eat or serve peanuts, peanut butter, and any thing that has peanut in its name.

But, thanks to the crack team on the ship, under the watchful eye of The Dread Pirate Roberts, in conjunction with Captain Crab, we have found a list of peanut products and companies that did not deal with Peanut Corporation of America.

Here is a list of companies that HAVE NOT had their products recalled. Simply scroll down to "Brands NOT Affected by FDA Recall" and go on a peanut eating frenzy! The crew on the ship and I are!

Minnesota Audi Club

Thanks to the Minnesota Audi Club for making November 6, 2008 the busiest day ever for Captain Crab's High Sea Adventures!

Kathleen Parker

Sorry PJ, I have fallen in love with a conservative.

Captain Crab's Important Announcement

This is my last post having to do with politics.

It's all fun and games from now on!

the Crab

Get out the vote!

With the recent statements by the McCain campaign concerning maintaining troop levels in Iraq and increasing troop levels in Afghanistan, the only way to accomplish both is to reinstate the military draft. Thousands of college age men and women would be summarily inducted into the the United States Army to fulfill the needs of McCain's continuation of the failed policies of the Bush administration.

I do not my daughter or any other man or woman of her age sent to war. I went through that BS in 1969. No one else needs go through it again.

VOTE!

Stupid Videos and Nothing to Say

I was taken to task because of my "embedding these damn Doo-Doo Tube videos".

I don't always have something to say. Occasionally I find something that is funny to me and that someone else might also enjoy. My feeling about this is a lot like my advice to uptight parents about what their children see on the television: If you don't feel like watching the damn thing, don't!

Captain Crab's High Sea Adventures was not started to change the world. And By God I'm not going to start now.

I have epilepsy, but this isn't why

In the middle of the 19th century, it was commonly thought that epilepsy was caused by masturbation. Sir Charles Locock noted that potassium bromide calmed sexual excitement and thought this was responsible for his success in treating seizures.

Island Home

Total area of the island is 9 hectares (22 1/2 acres).

There is also abundant marine life

Planted with coconut, cashew, mango, and banana trees.

PJ and I are interested in buying this island. It is located in the South China Sea just off the coast of the Palawan Province in the Phillipines. Temperature varies from the mid 70s to the mid 90s. There is a rainy season, but NO SNOW season!

What we need is serious financial help. We are not looking for investors, just money. If you are willing to donate $250,000 we will gladly let you come for a visit occasionally. We need at least twenty of you to step up to the plate.

Donations of $100,000 will also be accepted, but visiting will not be allowed.

Captain Crab's Theme Song

M.E. from "Backroads to the White House" has suggested that the following song from T.M.B.G be used as the CCHSA theme song and video. What do all of you think?

The Iowa Poll: the Crab's Analysis

For those of you who may not live in the "Heartland", the "Breadbasket of the World", or "Iowa", as some prefer, the results of the Des Moines Register's Iowa Poll may be confusing.

This is an attempt, albeit a weak one, to explain how Iowans think.

The Republicans:

Mike Huckabee: Iowa Republicans are CONSERVATIVE! They elected Rep. Steve King, didn't they!

Mitt Romney: Mitt has dropped quite a bit lately, probably due to the fact that Iowans like their candidates to use their real first names.

Rudy Giuliani: Rudy was the name of a famous movie about an unknown Notre Dame Football player, not a President.

Fred Thompson: I love "Law and Order". He's running for President?

Ron Paul: This may explain it.

John McCain: Senator McCain hasn't played the game the way we like in Iowa. He doesn't have a big staff headquarters in Des Moines buying take out and having pizzas delivered, he hasn't spent millions of $$$ buying ads on our television and radio stations, and he hasn't come to my hometown and had coffee with the retired people and explained how much better off they would be with him rather than somebody else**.

Tom Tancredo and Duncan Hunter: Who?

The Democrats:

Barack Obama: Iowa Democrats (caucus types) love someone they believe is not "mainstream" or from DC. Barack fits. Perfectly.

Hillary Clinton: If Ms. Clinton were not in the senate and hadn't been married to Bill, she would be the love of the caucus Dem's like Barack.

John Edwards: We love his hair! He's for the little guy and all of that, but he DIDN'T win last time.

Bill Richardson: He's from Mexico, no, excuse me, NEW Mexico. Close enough to bother a lot of Iowans though.

Not sure/uncommitted: I haven't seen any ads or heard anything about this candidate.

Joe Biden: If he just had hair like John Edwards. Or even more hair.

Dennis Kucinich: We like our Presidents just like we like our basketball players, Tall!

Christopher Dodd: Any relation to Christopher Robin?

**it's all about the money, whether a huge ad campaign or just a cup of coffee. Be sure to leave a tip though.

The Crab Endorses......Until I Find Someone Better...

Warren R. Ashe, D-Virginia

Warren Ashe, who previously was a candidate for President in 2000 and 2004 (but failed to compete in any primaries), filed FEC paperwork to make a third run in 2008. From the information he filed with Project Vote Smart in 2004, Mr. Ashe is one of the more eccentric candidates in the race.Ashe claimed he holds a doctorate degree from North Carolina State University. Then again, Ashe also claims to have been "President, United Nations, 1973-2003 ... Appointed President, United States White House, 1981-2003 ... Candidate, United States President, 2000 ... Vice President, West Wing - Carter Administration, 1977-1981 ... [and] Vice President, West Wing - Ford Administration, 1973-1977." He also claims to be a Navy veteran, an Army veteran AND an Air Force veteran.And he writes he owns a $40 million corporation, too. Yeah, right. Here's a choice quote: "I am involved with time travel communications that are real. And capable of time travel contact throughout history itself. I also build flying saucers that are capable of going to another solar system at high warp speed. The time travel transmissions have communicated at least and no less than 500 years into the future. I have used my saucers built by hand at Edgecombe Community College in Rocky Mount, North Carolina. That has already since 1983 taken sperm and DNA into the future. Into the 22nd, 23rd, and 24th centuries. The methods I used are through flux capacitation and wormhole technology."

and for Vice President:

Princess Christina Gerasimos Billings-Elias, D-California

This candidate bills herself as "Princess Christina Gerasimos Billings-Elias" because she claims her great uncle is a "decendant of Queen Victoria." As to being a Princess, it appears to be a title she bestowed upon herself.To give you an idea of just how self-aggrandizing and bizarre this candidate is, here's an excerpt from her campaign site: "Christina born to be President of 'Our America.' ©™. 'The Chosen One," ©™ as proclaimed by Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt, friends of Theodore and Evelyn Gerasimos, first Greek in Detroit 1890. People's King of the Greeks emanating from Spartan Royalty Warriors."

The Crab's Easy Driving Rules

1. Turn signals have a purpose other than just adding more electronics to your vehicle. USE THEM!
2. Chances are your vehicle has cruise control. Following someone who varies between 50 and 70 mph is no fun. If you don't know how to put the cruise on and can't read the operator's manual, ask someone to show you how the f&@* to do it!
3. You don't have to turn the cruise control off to talk on your phone (if you must)*.
4. Stop lights: Green-go. Red-Stop. Yellow does not mean double your speed!
5. Food: Trying to eat your french fries, drinking your super sized soda, yelling at your kids so they don't spill in your super sized SUV, while driving 80 mph down the 2 lane highway in the winter is just plain STUPID!!!!
6. If you have a death wish that's fine. Just don't include me.

If it sounds like I'm a bit upset, you get an A.