Mr. Hiaasen

From August 2010, but still fun.

Chimpanzees on LSD

Public hearings are often a formality, a minor road bump. Plenty of earnest folks show up to question the impact of a proposed subdivision or shopping mall upon their neighborhoods and lives, and the politicians pretend to listen.

By that point, though, the deal is already sealed, the necessary majority of votes secured.

This cynical charade has been going on since the beginning of statehood. It's the reason so many Florida cities look like they were planned by chimpanzees on LSD.

Read more here

BP: Everything's Fine, Trust Us

Carl Hiaasen says what a lot of people are thinking.

Every time a BP executive appears on television, I think of the garage scene from the movie Animal House.

An expensive car belonging to Flounder's brother has just been trashed on a drunken road trip, and the smooth-talking Otter comforts the distraught Delta pledge with these cheery words:

"You f----- up! You trusted us! Hey, make the best of it.'"

If only the BP guys were half as honest.

"The oil is on the surface,'' Hayward said. "There are no plumes.''

He sounds just like the pet-shop owner in the famous Monty Python sketch who is trying to convince a disgruntled customer that his extremely dead parrot is only napping.

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Fun in Florida

Florida's politicians never ceases to amaze me.

When you're a Miami-Dade commissioner, danger lurks at every ribbon-cutting.

Just ask Jose ''Pepe'' Diaz. His job is so perilous that he often leaves his county-leased Cadillac Escalade parked at home and, instead, has a gun-toting sergeant-at-arms deliver him to official functions.

From the Miami Herald

Cheap Water

Oh, but not for you!

Every year, state water managers allow large bottling firms to siphon nearly two billion gallons from fresh springs and aquifers. The fees are laughably puny.

For example, it cost Nestle Waters of North America the grand sum of $150 for a permit to remove as much water as it pleases from the Blue Springs in Madison County. Every day, Nestle pipes about 500,000 gallons, enough to fill 102,000 plastic bottles that are then shipped to stores and supermarkets throughout the Southeast.

Read Carl Hiaasen's column at the Miami Herald.

The Sarah Rules

Carl Hiaasen has a column in the Miami Herald today about Mrs. Palin. To read the whole column go here.

"The vice presidential debate is set for next Thursday, and millions of voters will be watching to see if moderator Gwen Ifill of PBS behaves herself.

Most journalists are still getting accustomed to the Sarah Rules, as
established and enforced by John McCain's campaign team. The most important is
Sarah Rule No. 1: Don't treat Gov. Palin like a male candidate, or you'll be
accused of character assassination."