Friday, October 26, 2007

The Crab Stupid Quote of the Day

x's attorney, x x, said mental issues and drug use was not a good combination for his client.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

The Crab's Very Bad Joke of the Day

A bear walks into a bar and says, "I want a bourbon and............... coke"

The bartender asks "what's with the huge pause?"

The bear says, "I've had them all my life."

Monday, October 22, 2007

Captain Crab's Legal Tidbit of the Day

The following is from Near v. Minnesota. The case concerned the "Public Nuisance Law of 1925". It was also referred to as the "Minnesota Gag Law". The law was overturned by the US Supreme Court in 1931.

The State Supreme Court wrote that a scandalous publication "annoys, injures and endangers the comfort and repose of a considerable number of persons," and so constituted a nuisance just as surely as "places where intoxicating liquor is illegally sold," "houses of prostitution," "dogs," "malicious fences," "itinerant carnivals," "lotteries," and "noxious weeds." The court considered that a newspaper may also endanger safety, because "scandalous material" tended to disturb the peace and provoke assaults.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Captain Crab's Diet Advice

If you want to lose weight don't buy food that comes in buckets.

Captain Crab's Pirate History Lesson

During the 18th century Anne Bonney and Mary Read became professional pirates wearing men's clothing and fighting alongside the other pirates.

When they were caught they escaped the death sentence because unlike male pirates: they both claimed that they were pregnant.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Captain Crab's Pirate Training Film

Science Project or Bar Trick?

Went to one of my favorite restaurants tonight. Great place, cold beer and fantastic food. When I walked in I was greeted by the owners, Bart and Beth. They wanted to thank me (?) for helping their son with his 6th grade science project.

It seems that I did one of my favorite bar tricks a year or two ago at their bar and he used it for a science project! It was too cool!

You have to guess what the trick was.

Flenker knows!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Captain Crab's Bad Joke of the Day

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

Saturday, October 13, 2007

My new best friend

This little fellow lives in a motel where I stay. He's very quiet, although my snoring bothers him.

You may be a drunkard if....

You start your morning by reaching to the night stand, picking up your phone, pressing re-dial, and apologizing to whoever answers.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Thursday, October 4, 2007

For My Favorite Sociologists

You know who you are.

Even the Crab can't make this up!

Today, while stopped on the side of the road to make a phone call, a deputy sheriff stopped to ask me if everything was OK? I told him yes, just making a call.

He then asked "have you seen a refrigerator on the road?"

I hoped to find it, but to no avail. I did feel bad about laughing uncontrollably when he asked the question, though.

There is a gentleman staying in the same hotel as I am tonight. I went down to the bar for a beer, free beer for guests (4-6 pm), when I discovered that he had quit his job today. 6 HOURS from home! The company told him to find his own transportation. I would have waited until getting home to quit, but what do I know?

Update on the Buck an Ear chase

First of all, the pursuit of the Buck an Ear ended with bad results. The crew, still hungover from their excursion into Le Moule, was unable to perform up to my lowest expectations. After 12 hours, I decided to call it off. We will try to get them later. We sailed into Roseau, Dominica, where we were met by The Dread Pirate Roberts. He had flown down on the corporate Pirate Jet to relieve me and take command of the ship while I returned home to take care of some important business and a bit of R & R. He will get the crew into shape.