Sunday, September 30, 2007

The Dread Pirate Roberts

The Dread Pirate Roberts called me last night to gloat about all of the college football upsets that he, SUPPOSEDLY, predicted. I have known Captain Roberts for a long time and he lies more than a presidential candidate. When I asked him about how much money he had wagered on these games, the phone suddenly went dead.

On a completely unrelated note, we are currently in pursuit of the Buck an Ear. More to come.

Friday, September 28, 2007


Time for FUN, for some!

Sailed from Le Moule to Grande-Anse today. We dropped anchor off the coast of Grande-Terre last night and some of the crew decided to do a little rum drinking and looking for the girls last night. They ran into some rot gut rum and nearly got thrown in jail for acting like pirates.

These boys will be staying on board for the next few months. I just can't handle them acting like me.

They overheard drunken crew members of the "Buck an Ear" discussing the treasure they have on board, so we will be pulling anchor for the chase tomorrow.

the Crab's Recent Travels

Piratin's been tough so far this season. Yes, there is a piratin' season, just like deer season, for example. We started in The Turks and Caicos, then onto Montserat, Angilla and St. Martin. We made it to Guadeloupe late last night. Not one privateer has been spotted so far. The crew is getting restless, so some serious punishment will be needed. We will continue drinking rum and listening to loud rock and roll at a high rate of speed. It has to get better as we head south.

Monday, September 24, 2007

The Crab's Advice of the Day

NEVER, ever get into tasting different tequilas with a resident of Jalisco, Mexico.

Captain Crab's Thought of the Day


Thursday, September 20, 2007

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Captain Crab's Thoughts From the Road

Hygiene is just that thing that happens to other pirates.

Taking a cannonball to the head in me younger days hasn't helped.

Not one to take risks, I enjoy quiet evenings communing with the other vermin down in the lower holds of the ship.

What I lack in physical attractiveness is more than made up for in interesting skin conditions.

I'm a collector. I like things. Not, "nice" things - just things.

Captain Crab's Bad Joke of the Day

A little boy is trick or treatin' on Halloween by himself. He is dressed as a pirate. At one house, a friendly man asks him, "Where are your buccaneers?" The little boy responds, "On either side o' me 'buccan' head!"

Monday, September 17, 2007

Captain Crab's Important Announcement

Captain Crab would like me to inform everyone that Wednesday, September 19th is Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Please plan accordingly.