Saturday, December 29, 2007

Voter Fatique Sets In

Well, with just a few days to go before the Iowa Caucuses, voter fatigue has set in. PJ is registered as a ______ in Iowa and has been an active participant in past caucuses. For this I am very proud of her. But, for the same reason, my Saturday afternoon nap was interrupted four (4) times by phone calls* from various candidates that are courting her. Now that I'm online, they are screwed!

Are any other states willing to step up to the plate for this? Not just the endless television and radio ads, but the constant babble of "so called experts" and having to make sure you don't have to drive through one of the towns where one of the candidates (or their spouse) is appearing. You want this shit? You do it.

But do it the same way Iowans do it. Not just a nice little trip down to the precinct to vote, but retail politics. You receive the phone calls, you answer the door and talk to some punk from who gives a fuck about why you should go to the caucuses and support the candidate who charmed the hell out of this kid and you go to the caucus.

*these aren't actually phone calls, but those bloody automated things. If there was a real person on the other end, at least I could tell them to go..........oh, never mind!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

The Crab's Political Primer

As we get closer to the Iowa Caucuses, we need to examine the candidates and the pundits. Today we look at the Conservatives.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Pregnant at 16 update

The Borowitz Report as an excellent column that will complement my recent post concerning Jamie Lynn Spear's pregnancy.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

The Crab's Favorite Holiday Song

I must admit that the past few posts have been rather serious and dealing with politics and such. I've had those icky flu-cold-yucky symptoms for a few days. I'll blame it on that,

Hopefully this will lighten the mood around the Crab Blog. Enjoy!

Captain Crab's Theme Song

M.E. from "Backroads to the White House" has suggested that the following song from T.M.B.G be used as the CCHSA theme song and video. What do all of you think?

One More Thing

I am not a regular reader of the Drudge Report and don't really care if you are, but if this is the kind of news you want, go right ahead.

Pregnant at 16

I usually don't read celebrity news and gossip, but the Jamie Lynn Spears pregnancy coverage is way too stupid to ignore. CNN asks "How do you talk to kids about Britney's sister?" When I talk to my daughter, who is her early 20's and childless, I'll just say "aren't you happy you weren't that dumb?"

And of course the legal aspects of the case.

There may be more, because I'm still reading CNN!

Update: I tried reading FOX News, but it's just too scary over there.

Update 2: Publishing of Jamie Lynn's Mom's book has been delayed.

I am sure that there will a lot more written about his over the next 7 1/2 months, but I will try to refrain from reading it.

Is Your Health Care This Good?

Rudy Giuliani was taken to the hospital with flu-like symptoms. And he is spending the night there.

I have had flu-like symptoms since Tuesday. PJ made home made turkey* noodle soup for me and has lots of juice for me to consume. She also bought me a nice big box of tissues.

I ask, which of us is doing our part to keep down health care costs?

*it was really good and worked as well as chicken

Monday, December 17, 2007

As I write

FOX News is trying to figure out how to link the small explosion in the Fox News building (in New York, which is really close to New Jersey) with the escaped New Jersey convicts and with New Jersey's ending of the death penalty.

Don't worry, they will have all figured out in time to scare the hell out of us!

My Favorite Loony endorses..........

Fred Thompson!

"Congressman King's leadership in support of the sanctity of life and his efforts in the fight against illegal immigration have made him one of Iowa's great Republican leaders*," Thompson said in a statement. "He's a tireless fighter for the 5th district of Iowa and I'm honored by his support. I look forward to working with Congressman King over the next three weeks and into 2008 in support of the traditional conservative values he and I share."

*that's a sad statement about Iowa's Republican Leadership!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

The Iowa Poll: the Crab's Analysis

For those of you who may not live in the "Heartland", the "Breadbasket of the World", or "Iowa", as some prefer, the results of the Des Moines Register's Iowa Poll may be confusing.

This is an attempt, albeit a weak one, to explain how Iowans think.

The Republicans:

Mike Huckabee: Iowa Republicans are CONSERVATIVE! They elected Rep. Steve King, didn't they!

Mitt Romney: Mitt has dropped quite a bit lately, probably due to the fact that Iowans like their candidates to use their real first names.

Rudy Giuliani: Rudy was the name of a famous movie about an unknown Notre Dame Football player, not a President.

Fred Thompson: I love "Law and Order". He's running for President?

Ron Paul: This may explain it.

John McCain: Senator McCain hasn't played the game the way we like in Iowa. He doesn't have a big staff headquarters in Des Moines buying take out and having pizzas delivered, he hasn't spent millions of $$$ buying ads on our television and radio stations, and he hasn't come to my hometown and had coffee with the retired people and explained how much better off they would be with him rather than somebody else**.

Tom Tancredo and Duncan Hunter: Who?

The Democrats:

Barack Obama: Iowa Democrats (caucus types) love someone they believe is not "mainstream" or from DC. Barack fits. Perfectly.

Hillary Clinton: If Ms. Clinton were not in the senate and hadn't been married to Bill, she would be the love of the caucus Dem's like Barack.

John Edwards: We love his hair! He's for the little guy and all of that, but he DIDN'T win last time.

Bill Richardson: He's from Mexico, no, excuse me, NEW Mexico. Close enough to bother a lot of Iowans though.

Not sure/uncommitted: I haven't seen any ads or heard anything about this candidate.

Joe Biden: If he just had hair like John Edwards. Or even more hair.

Dennis Kucinich: We like our Presidents just like we like our basketball players, Tall!

Christopher Dodd: Any relation to Christopher Robin?

**it's all about the money, whether a huge ad campaign or just a cup of coffee. Be sure to leave a tip though.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

The Crab Endorses......Until I Find Someone Better...

Warren R. Ashe, D-Virginia

Warren Ashe, who previously was a candidate for President in 2000 and 2004 (but failed to compete in any primaries), filed FEC paperwork to make a third run in 2008. From the information he filed with Project Vote Smart in 2004, Mr. Ashe is one of the more eccentric candidates in the race.Ashe claimed he holds a doctorate degree from North Carolina State University. Then again, Ashe also claims to have been "President, United Nations, 1973-2003 ... Appointed President, United States White House, 1981-2003 ... Candidate, United States President, 2000 ... Vice President, West Wing - Carter Administration, 1977-1981 ... [and] Vice President, West Wing - Ford Administration, 1973-1977." He also claims to be a Navy veteran, an Army veteran AND an Air Force veteran.And he writes he owns a $40 million corporation, too. Yeah, right. Here's a choice quote: "I am involved with time travel communications that are real. And capable of time travel contact throughout history itself. I also build flying saucers that are capable of going to another solar system at high warp speed. The time travel transmissions have communicated at least and no less than 500 years into the future. I have used my saucers built by hand at Edgecombe Community College in Rocky Mount, North Carolina. That has already since 1983 taken sperm and DNA into the future. Into the 22nd, 23rd, and 24th centuries. The methods I used are through flux capacitation and wormhole technology."

and for Vice President:

Princess Christina Gerasimos Billings-Elias, D-California

This candidate bills herself as "Princess Christina Gerasimos Billings-Elias" because she claims her great uncle is a "decendant of Queen Victoria." As to being a Princess, it appears to be a title she bestowed upon herself.To give you an idea of just how self-aggrandizing and bizarre this candidate is, here's an excerpt from her campaign site: "Christina born to be President of 'Our America.' ©™. 'The Chosen One," ©™ as proclaimed by Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt, friends of Theodore and Evelyn Gerasimos, first Greek in Detroit 1890. People's King of the Greeks emanating from Spartan Royalty Warriors."

Important Steve King Update

Rep. Steve King, my favorite loony congressman, who introduced, H.Res. 847, must be happy today, as his resolution passed, 372 to 9.

For some reason, however, Rep King did not vote.

Maybe it wasn't as important as he made us believe.

Going Wireless

After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, British scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters, and shortly after, headlines in the UK newspapers read: "British archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Scots."

One week later, "The Nordic Klub", a Minot, North Dakota newsletter reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 meters in corn fields near Velva, ND, Ole Johnson, a self taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago North Dakota had already gone wireless.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Iowa: Center of the Political Universe

We a getting closer to January 3, 2008, that magical night when Kansas meets Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl. No, sorry, that's for people who CARE about college football.

January 3rd is when the Iowa caucuses take place! Then all of us here in Iowa will go hang out with our friends and decide who the next president should be. Well, not all of us. Only registered party members who care enough*.

I have been thinking of holding an independent caucus. The trouble is I can't find any INDEPENDENT candidates. Most all are beholden to the party line.

We independents just don't have a party line, other than "I've seen those gorgeous eyes before. Could I buy you a drink?".

Anyway, I have added a couple of political blogs to the interesting stuff. Check them out.

*we should all care

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I Used to Enjoy Politics

While eating cheese, drinking beer and checking out the news of the day, I ran across a few interesting statements by the Rev Mike Huckabee, the new Republican front runner in Iowa.

If you are a serious Christian Conservative, you probably won't understand why this concerns me (Go to FOX News instead, but thanks for dropping by!).

Here we go:

In November, Huckabee tried to claim the mantle of the GOP's leading terror fighter, arguing:

"I think I'm stronger than most people because I truly understand the nature of the war that we are in with Islamo fascism. These are people that want to kill us. It's a theocratic war. And I don't know if anybody fully understands that. I'm the only guy on that stage with a theology degree."

Ten years ago Huckabee seemed to seemed to claim insight into Christ's likely support for capital punishment:

"Interestingly enough, if there was ever an occasion for someone to have argued against the death penalty, I think Jesus could have done so on the cross and said, 'This is an unjust punishment and I deserve clemency.'"

At a Republican Governors Association Dinner in 2004, Huckabee took the stage and began to deliver remarks when his cell phone rang. He took the phone out of his pocket and proceeded to have a conversation with God about President Bush’s reelection:

"We're behind [Bush], yes, sir, we sure are. Yes, sir, we know you don't take sides in the election. But, if you did, we kind of think you'd hang in there with us, Lord, we really do."

So there is a little bit of The Reverend Huckabee. Scares the bejesus out of me!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

And for Today's Political Junkies

A quiz?

Something Special

This is for all of you who wander here, but especially for PJ

Life Can Only Get Better

According to Rep. Steve King, R-IA we will be fine once his resolution passes.

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Crab's Easy Driving Rules

  1. Turn signals have a purpose other than just adding more electronics to your vehicle. USE THEM!
  2. Chances are your vehicle has cruise control. Following someone who varies between 50 and 70 mph is no fun. If you don't know how to put the cruise on and can't read the operator's manual, ask someone to show you how the f&@* to do it!
  3. You don't have to turn the cruise control off to talk on your phone (if you must)*.
  4. Stop lights: Green-go. Red-Stop. Yellow does not mean double your speed!
  5. Food: Trying to eat your french fries, drinking your super sized soda, yelling at your kids so they don't spill in your super sized SUV, while driving 80 mph down the 2 lane highway in the winter is just plain STUPID!!!!
  6. If you have a death wish that's fine. Just don't include me.

If it sounds like I'm a bit upset, you get an A.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Institute for Silly Research

This Internet thing can be fun and educational, too! Today on my normal Sunday morning search for things mundane I learned that "Space Aliens" probably wrote the nursery rhymes that we learned as children. Here is a brief excerpt:

Hickory, dickory, dock,
The mouse ran up the clock,
The clock struck one,
The mouse ran down;
Hickory, dickory, dock.

Clearly this seemingly nonsense verse only becomes meaningful when we realize that it is nothing less than the principles of special relativity being explained in a form people a thousand years ago could understand: we can see a clear description of the 'mouse'-- obviously a small type of space probe of a type used by Mother Goose's alien race--moving 'up and down the clock' as it maneuvers at speeds approaching that of light between the time it leaves and returns to its dock.
To learn more go to the Institute for Silly Research link.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

The Crab is in Control!

H, who helped develop this bit of idiocy, turned over complete control to me yesterday.

I have added a list of things that I like browse while having my 1st cup of coffee and my last beer. I hope that you enjoy them as much as I do.

the Crab

The Crab's Moustache Update

I made a serious moustache trimming mistake this morning. Survival chances look slim.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Parenting: Lesson #1

PJ and I raised this miniature donkey shortly after we were married. Having to get up every two hours to feed Sophie was our first parenting lesson*. The veterinarians all said that chances were slim that she would survive. She did. For 19 years.

We did this with baby pigs, lambs, goats, and calves. We may have tried wild animals too. I just can't remember.

* PJ did this a LOT more than I did.

Winter has arrived

A Minnesota Highway Patrol Officer, speaking about yesterday's weather:

"Tell people they can't leave 15 minutes late and get there 20 minutes early," Barnard said. "There are cars in the ditch, cars rolled over. It's winter now."