Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
"I saw a guy standing outside his car right here with his finger stuck in his gas tank."
Victor Harris of Saginaw, Michigan had a tough start to his morning.
WJRT-TV has the story (with video).
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Me 1: "I feel like (expletive)."
Me 2: "You don't look too good."
Me 1: "You ought to see how I feel."
Me 2: "What' wrong?"
Me 1: "Do I look like a (expletive) Doctor?
Me 2: " Is there anything I can do to help".
Me 1: "Yeah, get the (expletive) away from me you stupid (expletive)".
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Nor did anyone mention that when AIG finally got up from its seat at the Wall Street casino, broke and busted in the after dawn light, it owed money all over town — and that a huge chunk of your taxpayer dollars in this particular bailout scam will be going to pay off the other high rollers at its table. Or that this was a casino unique among all casinos, one where middle-class taxpayers cover the bets of billionaires.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
The only "black" calf is in the last picture
The oldest of these was born on March 4th.
Next week is South Dakota week, so a much better variety of cattle to select from.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Reporting from Homer, La. -- On the last afternoon of his life, Bernard Monroe was hosting a cookout for family and friends in front of his dilapidated home in this small northern Louisiana town.
Throat cancer had left the 73-year-old retired electric utility worker unable to talk, but family members said he clearly was enjoying the commotion of a dozen of his grandchildren and great-grandchildren cavorting in the grassless yard.
Then the Homer police showed up, two white officers whose arrival caused the participants at the black family's gathering to fall silent.
Within moments, Monroe was dead, shot by one of the officers as his family looked on.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Monday night, however, I made a series of mistakes:
1. Went to the Big Mac Store (Mickey D's for you younger folk)
2. Did not notice that there were no other customers in the store and the drive through had no customers either. This was a VERY grave mistake on my part!
3. Ordered a Big Mac. ALWAYS order something that probably wasn't cooked 4 hours before!
4. Ate the Big Mac.
It's Wednesday and I finally feel a bit better.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Incoming: Do U ever think bout what we had?
Captain Crab: If I knew who you were I might.
Captain Crab: I think you have the wrong number.
Other Friday the 13th events for Captain Crab:
I had a tooth "extracted"
I received a letter from the federal court system informing me that I had been selected for jury duty.
My truck received a new oil filter and oil. (it's the only one happy about Friday the 13th).
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about.
It's just Mozart decomposing."
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Ladies and genltemen, "For the Love of the Game". It's not just a baseball movie.
Every year, state water managers allow large bottling firms to siphon nearly two billion gallons from fresh springs and aquifers. The fees are laughably puny.
For example, it cost Nestle Waters of North America the grand sum of $150 for a permit to remove as much water as it pleases from the Blue Springs in Madison County. Every day, Nestle pipes about 500,000 gallons, enough to fill 102,000 plastic bottles that are then shipped to stores and supermarkets throughout the Southeast.
Read Carl Hiaasen's column at the Miami Herald.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Here is another example:
"Officials recently discovered that pot-bellied pigs -- a southeast Asian species imported to the United States, often as pets -- have been roaming wild and apparently reproducing for the past few years. The pigs could number 25 to 50, and the first ones either escaped captivity or were illegally released into the wild."Read the story at the Star Tribune.
Friday, March 6, 2009
March 2007: Two women get in a fight in a WH in Richmond, Ky. When police arrive, four men at the counter leave during the confusion, not paying their $100 tab. Police chase the men at speeds reaching 100 mph, and the men finally crash into a pole and are arrested. No word on how four people, even drunk, can spend $100 in a WH.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Rush apparently hasn't read the Constitution, since this is from the "Bill of Rights".