Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Pirate Fashion Help Needed

Help me decide which is the best way to style my moustache please.

straight down

semi-handle bar

classic British Brush Back

Thursday, November 22, 2007

What We are Thankful for

Originally from Virginia, we are currently living near Rockwell City, Iowa.

While "1090" and I do miss the lovely scenery in the Southeast, the food here is much better and more plentiful. During the drought in the Southeast last summer it was tough to find enough to eat.

We are thankful that we get to spend the rest of our days (45-90, hopefully 90) in Iowa eating all we want. Our last ride will only be about 60 miles, much better than the 1000 from Virginia to Iowa.

We also want to thank Captain Crab for stopping by to visit* occasionally and giving us this chance to guest blog.

Horny and 1090

*unlike that cattle buyer from Tyson Foods, who looks at us as like we are in a meat market.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Drinking Martinis with the Crab

What are the effects of five martinis on three different people?

I am brilliant and charming.

You are overly talkative.

He is disgustingly drunk.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Presidential Candidates

Captain Crab has not endorsed a 2008 Presidential Candidate. This information is provided only to show you that not all of the candidates are loony. Note: Information from

Saint Michael Jesus the Archangel, R-Michigan

This gadfly candidate -- who also uses the name "Saint Michael Jesus the Archangel" (note: formerly named Philip Silva until he legally adopted the Archangel moniker in 1996) -- appears rather delusional. "From the time I was a little boy I knew I was God and Michael the Archangel, but I didn't dare tell anyone, not even anyone in my family because I knew that the devil, Satan, was going to try to murder Me, and indeed he did try, four separate times," he explains. He says he's a Vietnam War veteran who attempted suicide due to depression and paranoia. He also claims he later became a "a volunteer Secret Agent for the Central Intelligence Agency without pay." A former janitor, he is a self-employed "writer" these days. As for politics, he describes himself as a "radical conservative Republican" who recognizes "the fact that America is an official Theocracy." Archangel was arrested on attempted murder and other felony charges in March 2006. "As a matter of fact, he is crazy. Anyone in their right mind can see that," said the Sheriff who arrested him. You can find lots and lots of very long pages of his bizarre writing on his official website:

John Kok, R-California

Evangelical pastor Philip "John" Kok (pronounced "Coke") -- also known as "JP" -- operates his own Mustard Seed Ministry. While his ministry website -- annoying loud in both embedded music and design (plus lots of very blurry photos) -- is full of content, his Presidential site is barren. It essentially consists of this one statement: "Bringing Back the Positive Spiritual Heritage of Our Country!"

Curtis Hayward, R-Texas

Except that Curtis Hayward has filed paperwork with the FEC, no other info is known about this 2008 GOP hopeful. His official campaign organization is named "Hayward for President Aides Cenocide Dismantling Research Association President." No, "Cenocide" isn't a typo, as he spells it that way on a few documents ... and no, we have no idea what the name means.

And now for some Democrats:

Al Hamburg, D-Wyoming

Perennial candidate Al Hamburg, 76, has to date lost 17 consecutive bids for President and for Governor, US Senate and Congress. He proudly described himself in 2004 as the "Very Independent UNPOPULAR Candidate" -- unpopular, he explains, because the special interests and bureaucrats hate him (well, that ... and maybe also because of the Nazi helmet he wore in his 2004 campaign photo). "I make more people mad than I make want to vote for me," he added. A house painter by trade, Hamburg spent nearly twenty years in the Army -- serving in the Korean and Vietnam Wars. He has run for state office repeatedly -- at various times -- as a Democrat, an Independent, and as a member of the now-defunct New Alliance Party. Hamburg also made news in the 1980s when he sued a woman for breach of contract involving a car he sold to her. In the lawsuit, he said the woman agreed to have sex with him fifty times in exchange for the car -- but that she stopped performing her end of the deal after 33 times. Claiming to be a homeless veteran, Hamburg suddenly popped-up in Nebraska in 2000 -- declaring the state as his new residency -- and filed as a candidate there for US Senator in the Democratic primary. Hamburg then quickly moved back to Wyoming and has run for office again there several times since then. No website yet.

Alfonzo Jones, D-California

Except for the fact that Alfonzo Jones filed paperwork with the FEC to run for President -- just as he did in 1996, 2000 and 2004 -- no other info was known about this 2008 Democratic hopeful. No website yet.

Willard as President: Just Say No!

2008 is not the year to elect someone named Willard as President of the United States. We have already had a Millard (even though he wasn't elected*) and I think that is close enough to Willard as we need to go.

Rudy? Sounds like a movie to me.

Duncan Hunter? No, two last names.

Ron Paul? Two first names.

*Millard fillmore succeeded Zachary Taylor who died of acute gastroenteritis.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Posting from MPL

The only reason I am posting this is to show Jeremy that I can post from the Manson Pulic Library parking lot, too. I wanted to do this from the gazebo, but it's a bit chilly today!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

The Crab's Quote of the Day

“Sometimes I wish I’d went through those good times stone cold sober so I could remember everything, but then again, if I had been sober the times probably wouldn’t have been worth remembering.”

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The Crab and Work

I have to visit a customer that is having problems with some of the equipment that I sell. I called this evening to set up an appointment. Talking to an upset customer is bad, but talking to his wife, who has heard him complain for a few days, is horrible!

The Crab Travel Tip of the Day

Those little bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and lotion should be examined very closely.

Lotion doesn't do a very good job of cleaning your hair.

Monday, November 12, 2007

The Crab and Bert and Ernie

Terror Alert Level

The Crab's Travel Highlights

Last week was another long one. Wyoming, Denver, and finally the Gaza strip. Never left Iowa, however!

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Captain Crab and PJ

Here we are watching the tele together. I'm the one wearing blue.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Captain Crab's Strange Conversation

"You are against abortion and euthanasia?"


"What about capital punishment?"

"Well, I am definitely for the death penalty!"

"So, in your mind Doctors who perform abortions should receive the death penalty?"

"Well, I don't know about the Doctors, but yes, I think so."

"And the women who have abortions should receive the death penalty?"

"No, that's different. They're women!!!"

"But by allowing the abortion aren't they actually co-conspirators in the death of the fetus?"

"Yes, but.........."

"But what?"

blank look

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Captain Crab's Joke of the Day

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Coroner: No.Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?

Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Captain Crab's Thoughts from the Road

Last night the Wheaton Warriors defeated the Edgerton Flying Dutchmen 35-8 to win the Minnesota 9 Man Football State Championship. What I find unusable about his: It was played in the Fargo Dome, on the campus of North Dakota State University.

If you are sitting in a bar, don't have loud conversations on your cell phone discussing how Joe Torre becoming manager of the LA Dodgers will affect your life. Please don't.

Having a suit and tie on doesn't allow you preferential treatment in a small town bar/restaurant! Quit being an asshole.

"Winfrey cuts off 9 inches of Hilary Swank's hair". I know it was for charity, but on the scroll across the bottom of CNN last night, it was listed as the 3rd most important story.

The US Navy has begun a serious assault on Pirates off the coast of Somalia. Don't they understand capitalism?

OK. I am sorry for being a bit negative today. It has been a really bad week.

Why trampolines are dangerous: