Sunday, July 17, 2011

Captain Crab's at it Again

Posted by The Dread Pirate Roberts

Sebastian Bartholomew Jones-Smythe III, former derivatives trader and now a corn farmer, was surprised Saturday morning to find that his lawn had been mowed in the middle of the night. Not only had the grass been cut, but it had a very interesting pattern.

"I never mow the same direction twice, but it never occurred to me to mow the lawn in a continuous circle" said Jones-Smythe. "When I lived in the East, my estate caretaker did some wonderful things but nothing like this" he added.

"I am not upset that someone did this work for me, especially with the hot weather that we are experiencing this weekend. Heat stoke is a distinct possibility for someone like me who has spent most of his life sheltered from the sun and real work. However, I am concerned about the possibility that the fellow who did this might become more brazen in his use of my equipment. What's to prevent him from combining my corn?"

Local authorities suspect that this may be the work of the notorious Captain Crab, who has been missing for the past week. He was last seen with irongrant, a lesser known, but foolish character of sorts.

irongrant is known to have been employed for a time by a lawn care company. The authorities believe that he may have used the threat of hiding Captain Crab's rum to force him into doing this dastardly deed.

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