Contraception

A wonderful little tune about how God feels about sperm.

South Dakota Weather

What a difference a day makes.

Joke of the Day

An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland arrived at the casino.

She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude". With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?' The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY -Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but all men...are men.

Cell Phones

I was sitting in a bar this evening, enjoying myself. Normally there would be people discussing politics, the weather or whatever. Tonight was different.

On my right side was a young man explaining how to get to a certain place by car, bus or taxi. I am not sure where he wanted these people to go.

On the other side of me was some dude trying to tell another person what their plans were for the evening.

In the past past,before cell phones, we actually discussed travel plans and agendas for the evening before we went to the bar.

Am I old or what?

Dancing on the Jumbotron

OK, you're at a basketball game, there's a timeout, the music starts. What do you do?

Dance!

Pirates

Slow Motion Performance Art

Yes, I published a couple of these photos yesterday. But, today's performance demanded that I show you a complete sequence. It took about 200 miles, but it gave me something to look at. Thursday I get a new windshield installed!

A Thoughtful Cat (and other things)

Skittles helping PJ knit. She was very helpful!

Skittles left one of her toys in one of my shoes that I had brought this week. Scared the hell out of me this morning.

My windshield was replaced last summer. Friday, in South Dakota, it suffered a major rock blow. Today I watched the crack progress. What fun.

Black and Gus

Not everyone grew up around cattle or even learned how to read the news correctly.

$10 million

I should have stayed in the military, as that is where the money is at.

From the New York Times:

In one case of graft from that period, Maj. John L. Cockerham of the Army pleaded guilty to accepting nearly $10 million in bribes as a contracting officer for the Iraq war and other military efforts from 2004 to 2007, when he was arrested. Major Cockerham’s wife has also pleaded guilty, as have several other contracting officers.

List of Safe Peanut Products

Unfortunately, Peanut Corporation of America has made every Mother and a whole lot of other people afraid to eat or serve peanuts, peanut butter, and any thing that has peanut in its name.

But, thanks to the crack team on the ship, under the watchful eye of The Dread Pirate Roberts, in conjunction with Captain Crab, we have found a list of peanut products and companies that did not deal with Peanut Corporation of America.

Here is a list of companies that HAVE NOT had their products recalled. Simply scroll down to "Brands NOT Affected by FDA Recall" and go on a peanut eating frenzy! The crew on the ship and I are!

For H and PJ

Today PJ and I have been married 28* years.

H will celebrate her 25th birthday today.

*PJ just informed me that it is our 29th anniversary.

Mr. Harrison and Mr. Dylan will now perform a song that sums up my feelings about my favorite girls:

South Dakota Afternoon

South Dakota Morning

Guinness and the Goose

I ordered a Guinness tonight. I love Guinness. They served it in a Coors Light glass. That's just wrong.

I am also a martini addict. Especially "Grey Goose" vodka martinis. One olive, 2 drops of vermouth. Fantastic!

The weird thing is, this is where I was today:

Yeah, I had a "Grey Goose" martini also. I am a very sentimental guy.

The Middle of Nowhere

H used to think we lived in the middle of nowhere because we were ten whole miles from town. THIS is the middle of nowhere!

Sturgis, South Dakota

Turks and Caicos Islands and other stuff

The Dread Pirate Roberts contacted me today. She and the ship are in The Turks and Caicos Islands and currently anchored just off of Salt Cay. Due to the bad publicity that the Somali terrorists gave the Pirating profession Roberts told me that all operations had to be curtailed. So, from now on the ship will simply haul rich tourists around for an ungodly amount of money. Legal and much more profitable. aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr!!!!!!

As for me, your Captain on this amzing cruise through life, I have just completed a wonderful two week stretch on the road. Oh, I was home last Saturday night so I guess it wasn't THAT bad. I did catch manage to catch a virus of some sort or maybe I'm just sobering up after almost constant alcohol abuse.

South Dakota and Iowa

Doing two trade shows in two weeks with only one day at home in between is akin to being shoved into a wall by a huge dude you don't know and who hasn't taken a bath in several months.

Sometime life sucks.

Maybe you Should Get A Dog