The Captain and the Other Fellow

Posted by The Dread Pirate Roberts

The Captain sent me a picture and his plan this evening. It seems as though irongrant has convinced him to start a "Retired Pirates Home". They have secured a building that they believe is suitable. He did not give me any details about location or whether they are purchasing this property or just inhabiting it.

irongrant is still mightily upset about the Philippine fiasco. My understanding of the relationship that these two have is tepid at best. When they are drinking heavily they are as close as brothers. When they sober up the problems start.

My heart tells me this "Retired Pirates Home" is just part of a plan hatched by irongrant to finally get revenge.

Drunken "Wannabe" Sailors

I have instructed The Dread Pirate Roberts to never let this guy on our ship.

Desperately Seeking Tahiti (updated)

Update 1 below

Update 2: Something else to keep you thinking (or waste time): Today is "Hurricane Thanksgiving Day" in the US Virgin Islands!

The Dread Pirate Roberts is currently on an urgent search for Tahiti. Someone I know is not sure of the actual location. Wish Captain Roberts the best, as no one the crew is sober or can read a compass.



Update: Well, the Captain and crew are safe and sound. I don't think they are ever going back to the Caribbean, though.

I'm Alive

Don't worry, I am not dead, although at times I feel like I am.

The Dread Pirate Roberts and I have been in serious negotiations over a new ship.

Captain Crab's Seafood

The Dread Pirate Roberts called tonight from somewhere off the coast of Martinique. She and the crew are extremely upset about the bad rap that pirating is getting due to those dudes over in Somalia.

They are so upset that actually want to quit being pirates and open a sea going seafood restaurant aboard the ship!

One of the 1st Mate's ideas is to fish and actually have a true "catch of the day"! Bizarre? Yes indeed.

But not like all of those other seafood places like Red Lobster, Joe's Something Shack, and the poorly named Captain Crab's, who claim to have a catch of the day, but it's whatever they thawed out the night before.

There are several upsides to this idea:

1. Low overhead, we already have a ship with a galley
2. Unruly customers are merely tossed overboard
3. Health inspections; sail out of port quickly
4. The ship's crew will actually have to work

No decision has been made about going forth with this plan, but The Dread Pirate Roberts has spotted some folks she's going to invite for lunch, kind of as an experiment. (They may have money too!)

If she can keep the cook from pouring rum into everything, it just might work.

Stay tuned!

List of Safe Peanut Products

Unfortunately, Peanut Corporation of America has made every Mother and a whole lot of other people afraid to eat or serve peanuts, peanut butter, and any thing that has peanut in its name.

But, thanks to the crack team on the ship, under the watchful eye of The Dread Pirate Roberts, in conjunction with Captain Crab, we have found a list of peanut products and companies that did not deal with Peanut Corporation of America.

Here is a list of companies that HAVE NOT had their products recalled. Simply scroll down to "Brands NOT Affected by FDA Recall" and go on a peanut eating frenzy! The crew on the ship and I are!

Turks and Caicos Islands and other stuff

The Dread Pirate Roberts contacted me today. She and the ship are in The Turks and Caicos Islands and currently anchored just off of Salt Cay. Due to the bad publicity that the Somali terrorists gave the Pirating profession Roberts told me that all operations had to be curtailed. So, from now on the ship will simply haul rich tourists around for an ungodly amount of money. Legal and much more profitable. aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr!!!!!!

As for me, your Captain on this amzing cruise through life, I have just completed a wonderful two week stretch on the road. Oh, I was home last Saturday night so I guess it wasn't THAT bad. I did catch manage to catch a virus of some sort or maybe I'm just sobering up after almost constant alcohol abuse.

Guest Blogger: The Dread Pirate Roberts

Aaarrr Mateys! Captain Crab asked if I could do a short post for him today. Apparently his fingers are too cold. We are currently just off the southern coast on Anguilla and the weather is bloody lovely here! Here's an appropriate Christmas Eve tune.



Hope Santa brings everything that you wished for.

Pirates and Hairspray

A statement from Captain Crab, the Last Saskatchewan Pirate, and The Dread Pirate Roberts:

"There are a bunch of loony ex fisherman over in Somalia that are making piracy look bad. They are attracting too much press coverage of their exploits. This does nothing to further our political ambitions in the United States, Canada, and the Caribbean. We totally disagree with their abominable acts*."

*We do find it amazing that guys in speed boats can stop and take over a super tanker however. We're still working with schooners and swords.

And finally, why aren't men taught how to use hair spray? I either don't get enough on and the wind, which has been howling here, makes me look like someone with a really bad Mohawk or too much on and then it's kind of plastic looking.

The Dread Pirate Roberts

For all of you that have been wondering about the New Dread Pirate Roberts:

Back to the Ship

Important update below!


After over a year, I was finally contacted by The Dread Pirate Roberts today. He faxed me a copy of the map of his course over the past year.

I'm beginning to think that I may have to go take control of ship again, which he has renamed "The Sarah"*.

Bloody bastard!

Update: Due to McPalin, I have decided not to replace The Dread Pirate Roberts at the helm of "The Sarah"* until after the presidential election!.



*Send possible new ship names, please!