Captain Crab's Quote of the Day

After hearing of Bristol Palin's baby's name:

"Why would anyone name their child after a town in South Dakota?"

Captain Crab
Infamous Something or Other

Quote of the Day

"Kids are no different now than they were 20 years ago, the only thing that's different is the parents."

Norm Parker
Assistant Football Coach
University of Iowa

I Need to Get a Life!

There are too many people on the roads! Don't people have someplace to be? And they drive like idiots too!

I ate fast food last night*. Business was slooooooooooooowwwwwwwwww, so was the service. I would hate to see how they handle a busy night!

I fought with my computer for an hour and a half this morning to get an internet connection. But, with the help of Jeff at the front desk and Brian at tech support, we won the battle!

I am going to the Humane Society of North Central Iowa today to look at cats. Is it too soon after Felix died? Is this a "rebound" cat?

*Once a month at the most.

Sarah Palin Will be President

of Russia!

We all know that things are tough around the USA. But according to a former KGB analyst, this is what the country will look like in the not too distant future. Read the story at the Wall Street Journal.

Update below!

After discussing this with PJ, we have come up with an alternative plan. Montana and Wyoming would be part of The Californian Republic. Colorado, Kansas, and Misourri would become part of the Texas Republic. Illinois, Indiana, Ohio and Michigan would become part of Atlantic America.

That would allow all of us Germans and Scandinaviens to merge right in with the Canadiens.

Good idea, eh?

I am Not Dave Barry

So, I will not attempt to do "The Year in Review". Here is a bit of Dave's column to get you all excited to read the entire piece here.

SEPTEMBER . . .
the Republican convention gets off to a tentative start in St. Paul, Minn., when President Bush and Vice President Cheney are unable to attend, partly because of Hurricane Gustav, and partly because the organizers told them that the convention was in Atlanta. The mood improves when Sarah Palin dazzles the delegates with her winning smile, detailed knowledge of what is on the teleprompter and spot-on imitation of Tina Fey. The next night, John McCain, formally accepting the nomination, pledges to run "a totally incoherent campaign." None of this is reported in the media because the entire press corps is in Wasilla, Alaska, investigating rumors that Palin once dated a yeti.

Saving Money May or May Not be a Good Idea

Now that Christmas has come and gone it's time to think about serious things again.

I have decided to grow a beard. Why you ask?

1. I really don't like to shave.
2. Shaving is expensive, having to buy shaving creme and razor blades and after shave and what not.
3. I don't have a whole lot of hair to play with, so facial hair is a quick and exciting way to change my appearance.

But, due to the down turn in the economy, growing a beard may make the depression worse.

If I am not buying shaving creme and razor blades and other essentials, the people that make these items will not have as much product to make, the people who make the containers will not have as many containers to make, the people who make the steel will not have as much steel to make. This in itself is bad, but it gets worse.

Investors will notice the slowdown in demand for said items and take their money out of the companies that make these items causing the stock prices of those companies to fall. This will lower their borrowing ability putting further financial stress on the companies causing them to lay off workers, who will then apply for unemployment benefits.

These workers will be less able to pay for the basic necessities of life, such as mortgage payments, food, health care and even shaving creme and razor blades, which exacerbates the whole problem farther.

That isn't the worst thing though, because all of a sudden we end up with a huge group that looks like this:

Guest Blogger: The Dread Pirate Roberts

Aaarrr Mateys! Captain Crab asked if I could do a short post for him today. Apparently his fingers are too cold. We are currently just off the southern coast on Anguilla and the weather is bloody lovely here! Here's an appropriate Christmas Eve tune.



Hope Santa brings everything that you wished for.

Too Much Junk Mail?

Stephen T. Wilson has the answer!

How to Move Snow

It's That Time of Year

For those of you that may not be familiar with lutefisk:

"Lutefisk is made from air-dried or salted/dried whitefish, but ling is also used, prepared with, in a sequence of particular treatments."

Thought that you might want to know.

Captain Crab's Musical Treat of the Day

Not Minnesota

It's -2 Fahrenheit, with a northwest wind at 21 gusting to 29.

Parking in Minneapolis

There must me a serious parking shortage in the Twin Cities if people are forced to park on the freeway!

It's Tough to be a Bird Sometimes

With a little help from a nice northwest wind the snow that fell Thursday night and yesterday is moving toward the southeast today. PJ's birds are adapting nicely. I am sure they are happy that she feeds them on a daily basis.

A hen pheasant enjoying a meal.

This rooster is knee deep in snow.

A blue jay enjoying the comforts of a cedar.

Sparrows doing the same.

Mr. Madoff

Since one of Bernard Madoff's sons told authorities that his business was “a giant Ponzi scheme”, the financial world has been in turmoil. Which got me to wondering about the term "ponzi scheme" and where it came from. To explain this all is "Hot for Words":

Having Babies

This week a 42 year old gave birth to her 18th child. She and her husband have successfully spawned 10 boys and 8 girls. You get one guess where they live.

If all the women who bother to read this blog have that many combined, I would be surprised!

Here is the story.

Captain Crab's Educational Video of the Day

Everyone will attend weddings and anniversary celebrations sometime in their lives. Here is an instructional video to prepare you.

Shocking!

A troubling video about media bias.

Media Watchdog Accuses Weather Channel Of Pro-Weather Bias

Attack Cat

Bubbie may be gone, but he's still with us!

Captain Crab's Question of the Day

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

A Tough Day for the Crab and PJ

Felix (aka Bubbie) died today.

Christmas In A Beer Joint

South Dakota in Winter

The Missouri River South of Fort Thompson The Crow Reservation near Fort Thompson

Huron, South Dakota

Don't stay at the Best Western in Huron. I made reservations early this morning. They were f..... up 6 hours later. The maid left a tip envelope, with her name on it, that also says thanks. Sorry, Roxy, but there were two burnt out light bulbs (that you should have replaced) in my room that took little Miss Muffett at the front desk 45 minutes to find replacements for.

A restaurant with "Roadhouse" in the name should serve alcohol, beer at least. In Huron it doesn't!

Do eat at the "Prime Time Tavern", unless you are vegetarian or don't like Fillet Mignon. Monday through Thursday* they serve Fillet Mignon: 6 oz, 9 0z, 12 oz, 15 oz, 18 oz, and 27 oz. With a salad (house dressing only) and baked potato. That's it. No substitutions, nothing else. But great food!

*on Friday and Saturday, only prime rib is served.

Captain Crab's Thought of the Day

This could be about me. Because I am fairly fabulous!

Karaoke and you

You may not want to be a karaoke star. Read the whole story here.

Proposition 8, the Musical

Starring Jack Black as Jesus and with Margaret Cho, Maya Rudolph, John C. Reilly and others.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

It's Getting Better All the Time

Captain Crab's Crab Joke of the Day

A lonely female crab was walking down the beach one evening when she noticed a male crab coming toward her—but he was walking straight and not sideways!

Impressed by his talent, she decided to marry him immediately.

The next morning she noticed him walking sideways like any ordinary crab.

She asked, "What happened? Yesterday you were able to walk straight!"

He answered "What, do you think I can get that drunk every day!"

You Can't Make This Up!

A speeding pickup rear-ended a woman's sedan on the South Side on Friday morning and sheriff's officials say the driver said it was Jesus' will because the other motorist was not “driving like a Christian.”

Read the whole story at My San Antonio.

Captain Crab's Thanksgiving Eve

The Captain was in a bit of a tussle Wednesday night.



It looks worse now!

Your Computer Will Smoke

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving - WKRP Turkey Drop @ Yahoo! Video

For Some of You (but not all)

Dead Flowers

This is for PJ's Sunflowers

PJ's Favorites

Sunflowers and Chickens

Stupid Quote of the Day

"Yang Yang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him. I didn't expect he would attack."

Liu

After being bitten by the panda.

Read the story here.

Pirates and Hairspray

A statement from Captain Crab, the Last Saskatchewan Pirate, and The Dread Pirate Roberts:

"There are a bunch of loony ex fisherman over in Somalia that are making piracy look bad. They are attracting too much press coverage of their exploits. This does nothing to further our political ambitions in the United States, Canada, and the Caribbean. We totally disagree with their abominable acts*."

*We do find it amazing that guys in speed boats can stop and take over a super tanker however. We're still working with schooners and swords.

And finally, why aren't men taught how to use hair spray? I either don't get enough on and the wind, which has been howling here, makes me look like someone with a really bad Mohawk or too much on and then it's kind of plastic looking.

Captain Crab's Musical Treat of the Day

Well worth 4 minutes of your time.

Silos and Other Curiosities

New use for silos. The Class of 07 was bravest, but not very artful.
Under water farm
Snow Geese leaving a field
Snow geese in flight

Pocahontas

This was a HUGE tourist attraction in the 40's, 50's and 60's. There used to be a cafe that was shaped like a teepee attached. God, I hate progress!

No Caption Needed

By Mike Luckovich

The Economy and You

The economy has certainly taken a downturn according to all reliable sources. The New York Times has an article about one company that has seen an increase in sales. Here is a bit with a link to the whole article.

"Through war and recession, Americans have turned to the glistening canned product from Hormel as a way to save money while still putting something that resembles meat on the table. Now, in a sign of the times, it is happening again, and Hormel is cranking out as much Spam as its workers can produce."

Here is the entire article.

For a video go here.

What Matters?

The economy is slowing down, things are going to hell, but we all have one thing to aspire to. Let Mr. Randy Newman explain:

Why McCain Lost

I have been in Southern Iowa (or Northern Missouri, since they're both the same). Sometimes NPR is unavailable, so Christian radio and Rush Limbaugh are the things I listen to. It's all in good fun and a learning experience to hear this b...s... every so often.

Yesterday the main "Ditto Head" explained why Oklahoma was the only state that McCain carried every county in. Why, you ask?

According to Rush Baby:

1. No same day voter registration
2. Voter ID required
3. Voter registration ends 28 days before the election
4. Early voting only on the Saturday before the election

So, My Republican Friends, change those things in every state and get this country back on the "Right Wing Track".

I have my own theory, but don't want to offend my Oklahoma friends.

A Day in Iowa

What fool would name a town Grant?
I love this old farm house, with the screened in porch on the first floor and the open porch on the second.
These guys were just happy to see someone. Even me!

Caption Needed

Captain Crab's Really Bad Joke of the Day

A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon.

All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink.

The bartender serves him and asks, "Mind if I ask why'd ya kiss your horse on the butt?"

The cowboy says, "It's 'cause I got chapped lips."

The bartender asks, "Does manure help them heal?"

Cowboy replies, "No, but it keeps me from licking them."

Decision 2012

Well, now that I have recovered from my post election hangover and look forward to the next 2 years free from any presidential campaigning, comes this:

"Two potential candidates will be in Iowa before month’s end, multiple prospects — almost certainly including Sarah Palin — will make high-profile appearances this week at the Republican Governors Association meeting, and Newt Gingrich’s name has already been floated in a Bob Novak column."

Read the whole story at Politico.com.

Madison Avenue

Minnesota Audi Club

Thanks to the Minnesota Audi Club for making November 6, 2008 the busiest day ever for Captain Crab's High Sea Adventures!

And Now.............An Update

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

And Now..............

the post election depression sets in. I've read all the papers and all of the blogs. Nothing exciting happened yesterday, well there was a bit of Sarah trashing*, but nothing else that interested me.

I feel like the guy in Forrest Gump, who after he and many others ran with Forrest and then Forrest said he was going home, said "what are we supposed to do now?"

*An angry aide characterized the shopping spree as "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast."

Captain Crab's Quiz of the Day

1. How many countries are in NAFTA?

a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. duh?

2. Name them

a. United States, Canada, and Mexico
b. Africa

3. Africa is a...

a. Continent
b. Country

Watch the following video from FOX News to find out who DIDN'T know the answers:

Why Obama Won

and other Wednesday stuff from Captain Crab's Warped Time and Space Travels.

Obama won because he got the duck vote.

Just another barn picture.

Birds and birds and birds and .............

Pink manure* spreaders

*the politically correct terminology is "livestock by-product" (I am NOT making this up)

Captain Crab's Cartoon of the Day

Jim Morin of The Miami Herald

Election Night Drinking Games

OK, tomorrow is election day, so tomorrow night is "election day alcohol abuse night". It's not as easy as just going to a bar or sitting at home and enjoying your favorite adult beverage. No, it's a lot more serious than that!

Here are a couple ways to enjoy the evening:

1. Every time your candidate wins an electoral vote (or your least favorite) take a drink. This should have you sufficiently soused by 9:00 pm (depending on your time zone of course).

2. Watch FOX News* and when anyone says McCain is still in this thing, or words to that effect, take a drink.

3. Whenever you see Sarah Palin or Joe the Wannabe Plumber take a drink.

These are just a few suggestions. If you have better ideas please post a comment. Thank you and so long Dubya!

*reason enough to drink heavily!

Bikini?

Dunlap has found a flaw in the McCain-Palin campaign:

The End

From the Faribault Daily News:

Minnesota School for the Feeble-Minded and Colony for Epileptics*.

* I have been known to have a grand mal seizure now and then

Beverage of the Day

Thursday Photography

Not a great photo week, but not bad either! A brand new Red Holstein Calf
Corn and steepleI hope Bob and Iris are still married and carving their way through a happy life.

Captain Crab's Thoughts from the Road

Sarah Palin

If went to sarah palin dot com and weren't amused, LEAVE NOW!

Happy Pigs the Movie

Happy Pigs (with tails)

The Politics of Fear

Everyone is scared!

Captain Crab's Interesting Stuff of the Day

I am a Pirate and I know stuff!

Did you know that Campbell's most popular soup brand is tomato, and that the company sells about 350 million cans each year?
Chicken Noodle is the next highest seller, and has exactly 216 noodles in each can. Although these two U.S. favorites are sold overseas, each country has its own regional favorite. For instance, Watercress and Duck-Gizzard soup is popular in China, and Cream of Chili Poblano soup is enjoyed in Mexico.

To learn more go to Campbell's Soup.

CNN Truth Squad and The Redstate Update

Piratin' is Tough Work

Note: Senseless and silly violence is shown!

Quest for the White Horse

On the Road with Captain Crab