Not Swine Flu

This post is just for your fun and enjoyment!

Loony Wednesday

Update below

Florida is once again proving itself to be the loon center of the universe. The Florida Senate approved new license plates without even looking at them.

But, Michelle Bachmann, is surely trying her best to help Minnesota into 2nd place.


Ms. Bachmann didn't pay attention in history class, because the swine flu outbreak started in February 1976, while Gerald Ford, a republican, was president.

Update:

Read this letter to the editor in the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

Gay Marriage in Iowa: The Aftermath

Yesterday Iowa had a "coming out" day as the state began issuing marriage licenses to same sex couples. Licenses were issued all over the state, in urban counties and rural counties.

These people were happy and smiled and enjoyed themselves.

Other people were not happy, they protested by praying and signing petitions.

None of that matters, because The Captain Crab has his own take on this:

There is no way in hell that the following are just coincidence!

Iowa Gay Marriage: Swine Flu

Iowa Gay Marriage: Air Force One buzzing the Statue of Liberty

Iowa Gay Marriage: Arlen Specter turns Democrat

Iowa Gay Marriage: GM drops Pontiac

Iowa Gay Marriage: Bob Dylan's new album gets a B- rating

and there are gorillas in Iowa:

A New and Exciting Career

I am thinking of giving up piracy for a new career.

Captain Crab's Pictures of the Week

It's construction season in Iowa

I thought this might be Dale the Truck Driver until I saw the Oklahoma license plate

Nixon Mao Handshake Revisited

If you a Bill O'Rielly fan, you may not want to watch him make a fool of himself. Oh, he never admits that he is wrong, but he is.



From Media Matters

Captain Crab's Seafood

The Dread Pirate Roberts called tonight from somewhere off the coast of Martinique. She and the crew are extremely upset about the bad rap that pirating is getting due to those dudes over in Somalia.

They are so upset that actually want to quit being pirates and open a sea going seafood restaurant aboard the ship!

One of the 1st Mate's ideas is to fish and actually have a true "catch of the day"! Bizarre? Yes indeed.

But not like all of those other seafood places like Red Lobster, Joe's Something Shack, and the poorly named Captain Crab's, who claim to have a catch of the day, but it's whatever they thawed out the night before.

There are several upsides to this idea:

1. Low overhead, we already have a ship with a galley
2. Unruly customers are merely tossed overboard
3. Health inspections; sail out of port quickly
4. The ship's crew will actually have to work

No decision has been made about going forth with this plan, but The Dread Pirate Roberts has spotted some folks she's going to invite for lunch, kind of as an experiment. (They may have money too!)

If she can keep the cook from pouring rum into everything, it just might work.

Stay tuned!

Socialism is Bad

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
The Stockholm Syndrome
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

Tea Parties

From the Macon Telegraph:

"During the Ronald Reagan years our debt went from about $85 billion to $255 billion. Not a tea party in sight — as a matter of fact, Reagan is viewed by some as the greatest president of the 20th century.

When Bush 41 took the deficit up to $399 billion during his final year in office, he hailed it as a victory. The year before the deficit hit $432 billion. Still no tea parties.

The Clinton years saw the deficit morph into a $128 billion surplus. No tea parties. No dancing in the streets. No waving of signs and rejoicing that our children’s futures were secure.

That’s a good thing because the first year of George W. Bush’s presidency that surplus turned into a $133 billion deficit. We hadn’t seen nuthin’ yet."

Shaking Hands (an update)

The conservatives have gone a bit overboard about the Obama-Chavez handshake. But they tend to forget (especially when it's not one of their own) that shaking hands with the enemy is a way to make diplomatic inroads.

Nixon's trip to The People's Republic of China on February 21, 1972 confused most average Americans of the time. For one thing, most Americans had come to believe that all communist countries were evil, and that it was American's duty to rid the world of such threats - hence the military involvement in Vietnam. So, you can imagine their confusion when they saw Nixon shaking hands with a communist leader in the name of friendship. After all, if communism was the enemy, and China was communist, didn't that make them the "bad guys?"

From "Nixon's Visit to China"

I Love Chickens

For all of the chicken lovers who read this blog, I have now installed a widget just for you.

Flying on Small Planes

Joke of the Day

Obama and Chavez

The right wing blogs are going crazy over the picture of President Obama shaking hands with Hugo Chavez. Apparently this will lead to a complete and total dismantling of democracy and capitalism. The United States of America is done. Kaput.


But, any meetings with our "enemies" in the past are OK.

Nixon and Mao

Nixon and Brezhnev

Ford and Brezhnev

And my favorite, The Dishonorable Donald Rumsfeld and his buddy Saddam Hussein.

Iraq was using chemical weapons on their foe at the time, Iran.

Blog Post #602

What the hell? I am bored.

Spam!

Steve the Pilot Guy made a lovely "Spam and Pineapple" pizza last night. I am sure that most of my readers would have loved to help him devour it.

Here is a song for all of you spam lovers.

Auto Accident of the Day

Be careful if you have one of those wiener dogs.

OH, this is post #600.

The State of the News

At 1:12 am I recieved the following CNN Breaking News e-mail:

-- Ashton Kutcher is first to reach 1 million followers in Twitter contest with CNN.

Thanks for the Advice, Kate!

Kate was kind enough to give me advice for when I check into the psychotel. This is my payment for her help.

Weird Wednesday

Due to a plethora of idiots on the road, like the one below, who followed me for about 20 miles today, with more chances to pass than AJ Foyt at the Indianapolis 500,

this will probably be my retirement home. The biggest question, at this point, is just when I will move here:

The way I feel right now, I may check in tomorrow.

Quote of the Day

I think this guy knows what he's talking about.

"We're pretty sure all of us are going to pass away."

Ralph Rullis, owner of Rullis' Lincoln Monument Company

The story is at CNN.

One Year Later

About eleven months ago I was driving along in South Dakota, near the Iowa border when I spotted some horses with foals in a pasture. Here it is springtime again and guess what? Those mares have new foals. Amazing how this stuff happens isn't it?

Quotes of the Day

“If this is the worst thing that happens in my life, my life’s pretty good”.

“Ya’ll smile, it’s not that bad. It’s a golf tournament.”

Kenny Perry after placing 2nd in the Master's Golf Tournament

Sometimes I Feel Very Sorry for the Coyote

Happy Easter or Don't Eat the Eggs

I am not creative enough to make this up.

How to Receive a Refund

For any refunds, you must contact one of those Nigerians whose dead uncle had a lot of money that is tied up in court that he will give you if you send him a few thousand dollars.

After you have made contact with said individual and sent him a few thousand dollars, please contact and send me a few thousand dollars.

Then you will be placed on a waiting list of people seeking refunds because they have spent their good time reading the nonsense that is written at this blog. I don't blame them.

Eventually you will receive a refund. Right now for new refund applicants the date will be about 2029, if I am still alive.

To speed up the refund process, please send a several hundred thousand dollars.

Then you will get back your $2.59.

Ten Days

It has been a long time since I posted cattle pictures.

I Want MORE Shrimp!

"I said I'm going to get extra meat this time. But he didn't even put extra shrimp in there," the woman told a 911 dispatcher. "I asked him, 'Can I get any extra shrimp, or can you give my money back?' And he started hollering. So I just said, 'I'm going to call the police.'"

And she did. Here is the story from CBS 11 TV in Dallas/Fort Worth*.

*Some people think Dallas/Fort Worth is in Texas. I think it's just Southern Oklahoma, but Oklahomans were smart enough not to claim it.

Pirate Stuff

From k8:

Guest Blogger: Gwen

Since I won the highly coveted chance to guest post on the Captain's blog, I thought it would be appropriate to share an Iowa story. Iowa isn't a state I've spent much time in, other than driving through parts of it on various trips. But I once spent the night in Captain Crab's fine state, back in January 2005.

I had just finished defending my dissertation, deposited it in the library, and was on my way to Utah to start my very first Real Job. I picked up a friend at the airport who was driving across the country with me, and we were off. It was mid-morning, so we expected to make good time and sleep somewhere in Nebraska.

Roughly two minutes after we crossed from Wisconsin into Iowa, it began snowing. And snowing. And OMG snowing. Conditions were horrid. We kept going, at roughly 10 miles per hour. Eventually we had to slow to 5 mph. Then we started to pass lots of cars that had slid off into ditches. When we passed five separate cars and two semis in the ditch in just one mile-long stretch, we decided we gave up and it was time to get a hotel. At 2 in the afternoon. I have no idea what town we stayed in; it was just the first one we came to that had a hotel.

It turns out to be really boring to sit in a hotel room in the early afternoon in a blizzard. But it turned out the University of Oklahoma was playing in a bowl game later that day, and since my friend and I were both OU grads, we figured we'd watch it, which gave us something to look forward to, kind of. At 5 we got ready to watch the game, and discovered that for reasons that were highly unclear, the station the game was playing on had no sound. The other three stations did, but not the one we needed. We watched the game silently for a few minutes and then it occurred to us to turn on the radio and find a station covering the game. And so we spent three hours watching football, with a noticeable disconnect at various points between what we were seeing on the screen and what the radio announcer was talking about.

And then eventually the game was over, the snow had gotten so bad that we didn't want to risk going out for food, and we were stranded at a boring little hotel with nothing to do but go to bed at 8 p.m. And the next morning, for what I assume to be the last time in my life (please please please let it be so), I got to go out and dig my car out of a big mound of snow and ice, a task made extra fun by the fact that I had not brought snow-shoveling equipment with me.

I am sure Iowa is a lovely state. I am sure it is warm and green and inviting and snowless for entire days at a time. Since Captain and p.j. live there, I know it must have advantages. But whenever I hear it brought up in conversation, my first, involuntary thought is always "HMPH. Iowa."

Captain Crab's Bad Joke of the Day

Three vampires walk into a bar.

The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood."

The second one says, "I'll have one, too."

The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."

The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"

Iowa: The Gay Marriage Mecca?

Well, Iowa's most famous Loon is at again. Yep, Rep Steve King is worried about gay marriage being the downfall of our beautiful state.

“This is an unconstitutional ruling and another example of activist judges molding the Constitution to achieve their personal political ends. Iowa law says that marriage is between one man and one woman. If judges believe the Iowa legislature should grant same sex marriage, they should resign from their positions and run for office, not legislate from the bench.

“Now it is the Iowa legislature’s responsibility to pass the Marriage Amendment to the Iowa Constitution, clarifying that marriage is between one man and one woman, to give the power that the Supreme Court has arrogated to itself back to the people of Iowa. Along with a constitutional amendment, the legislature must also enact marriage license residency requirements so that Iowa does not become the gay marriage Mecca due to the Supreme Court’s latest experiment in social engineering.”

The "activist judge" who wrote the opinion is Justice Mark S. Cady, was appointed by former Governor Terry Branstad, who like "The Loon", is also a conservative Republican.

For full coverage on the issue visit the Iowa Independent.

Captain Crab's Word of the Day

kerfuffle

The 1st person who can correctly define kerfuffle, WITHOUT USING THEIR COMPUTER, wins the opportunity to guest post here.

Update: The judges have reviewed their ruling and have decide that Gwen is the winner.

Light Bulbs Flashing in My Head

It's time to have a "Friends of Not My Rabbit Bowling Tournament".

Blood on the Highway

There are a lot of people out on the roads that seem to be on a suicide mission. Unfortunately, I and Dale the Truck Driver and Picking up Strangers have to deal with this on a daily basis. Here are my rules:

I don't care if you want to kill yourself by being stupid, but don't involve me by:

passing in no passing zones

driving 80 mph in a 55 mph zone

driving 45 in a 75 mph zone

pulling out in front of me, going 1/4 of a mile and turning left

pulling out in front of me so I have to brake so hard that all of my luggage ends up in the front seat of my truck

talking on your phone, while eating a Big Mac and fries and drinking a Coke

feeding your children in your stupid FUV while talking on the phone, smoking a cigarette, while eating a Whopper and fires, and throwing the containers out of the window at 65 mph in a 55 mph zone

I'm sorry folks, but sometimes drunk drivers are safer than the idiots

GPS: Fail!

Do you have a GPS system in your car? Do you rely on it?

Sometimes, technology isn't all it’s cracked up to be.A motorist armed with a GPS navigation unit, one of those devices which tells drivers which way to turn, failed — and badly — Tuesday morning, setting up what would be an eight hour ordeal in Langlade County’s wooded western edge.

From the Antigo Daily Journal